How Silence Can Make You a Better Business Partner
Silence.
It is powerful. It is also awkward.
Most of us are not comfortable with silence. We talk and talk (or write and write) to fill in those uncomfortable gaps. However, if we actually use the silence it can prove to be a very valuable tool.
In silence there is time for reflection. Time to absorb information that was just given. Mostly, when we do what we think is “listening” we are actually NOT listening at all. Instead of listening we are formulating our response. By doing this, we are shortchanging our conversation partner and ourselves. We are not truly taking in the information. We are not hearing them out. We may not fully intend what they are trying to tell us.If we don’t hear all that they have to say we cannot know how to respond appropriately. It is like cooking a meal without knowing what ingredients are on hand. We simply would not do that. Yet we do this sort of listening every day (even multiple times a day) with our customers, spouses, friends, and children. Especially the children.
Do we want to be the person with a snappy comeback or the one with a thoughtful reply? Who do we wish our own listeners were? Do we want to be known as someone who weighs and measures their responses or do we want to be known as someone that shoots from the hip, not caring if we hit the target? With whom do we, ourselves, prefer to have discussions?
Slowing down our responses might be discomfiting in the beginning, but it will become easier with practice. It will create a deeper engagement. It will deepen the relationship by expanding our understanding of the person with whom we are talking. Writing allows us the space to revise, reconsider or delete. When we speak, we do not have the same luxury. We cannot easily edit what has been said. We can qualify and clarify, but after it is spoken we cannot edit. We cannot “un-ring the bell.” A callous statement is able to cause unintentional and irreparable damage. How many times have we hurt someone’s feelings because we did not think before we spoke? I know it has happened to me before. I do not like it when someone is hurt because of my actions. Or in the case of listening…my inaction.
Spoken words are important. They mean things. As listeners, we would do well to slow down and take the time to listen-think-reply. Sometimes the thinking part actually requires more time than is available in the moment. At that point, it is completely acceptable to say, “I would like to think about that. Can we talk more about it tomorrow?”
Some people may talk because they like the sound of their own voice. Some people talk because no one actually listens and they hope that by continually talking, maybe they will eventually be heard. Some people talk because they actually have something to say. As listeners, it is our job to pay attention so we can leverage this opportunity to learn…to understand.
Let’s take the time to engage in silence. Silence is free. It costs us nothing but time. It can reward us with more thoughtful engagement and deeper communication. It can result in better, stronger relationships that help us grow and understand the world more completely.
Karen L. Jefferson CPMR CSP is the Executive Director of MRERF a non-profit that takes your profitability to the next level. Technical product training is your responsibility. Training reps and manufacturers how to be better business partners is her responsibility. Visit www.MRERF.org to learn more. Additional writings can be found at www.KarenJefferson.US.
